“I want to be abused”…said nobody, ever. If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote, thanks very much.
I’m sure since the time dirt was invented, so had been adult bullies/abusers. We find them at work (cubicle terrorists or Queen Bees), and in partners (domestic violence). Why, in this day and age, does the caveman, or cavewoman mentality of abusers still exist? Is it because as a society we tolerate it, and therefore indirectly condone it?
Abusers get their hooks in without you realizing it by baiting you. They try to sabotage you and they bathe in your tears. Before you know it, you are living in an emotional grave and are held hostage in your own grief.
When someone intentionally inflicts emotional pain on you, it is impossible to find terminology to describe how your sinking heart feels, no matter what your age or gender.
What I know from personal experience is that the relentless belittling, intimidation, and mind control tactics of an abuser grinds you down into a state of anxiety and depression. Verbal abuse causes emotional distress. You get spun in the dizzying cycle of abuse and are in a tsunami of sorts. Emotional abuse can be mentally crippling and it robs you of your ability to think clearly.
Abusers abuse in order to achieve the dominance they believe they are entitled to. They chip away at your feelings of self-worth. You carry the burden of the abuser’s illness until all of your strength and energy is zapped.
It is important for you to comprehend that this battle the abusers are fighting isn’t with you and that you are not the cause of the bully/abuser’s abusive behavior. It stems from within themselves. They bully/abuse because they resent the target who might otherwise receive positive attention. Bullies are jealous of your achievements and feel threatened by you. They are jealous of your sun and want to rain on your parade, no matter what the consequences are. They will go to any length to do so and do not care whose morale they destroy.
Toxic people want to steal all of your joy and find satisfaction in your pain. They get the thrill of putting one over on the victim.
Don’t let yourself replay the harmful words that others have used to belittle you. Remember to never give to anyone the power to put you down. Don’t let anyone who puts you down define who you are by believing their abusive words. More often than not, the abuser manufactures false allegations. They do this out of their hateful spite and pure ignorance.
Some insights into adult bullies hold that they are not interested in showing empathy, but only in being on top. They are only interested in being right by making you wrong. They are interested in winning. Verbal abuse helps abusers to do that without laying a hand on you. Abusers need to break down people in order to gain control and raise their own sense of power.
It is my observation that abusers do not share the same honourable values as you probably do.
Abusers rely on using fear, shame, intimidation, and guilt to wear down the victim until s/he can no longer think straight.
Personally, with having been emotionally and mentally abused, I needed to close the chapter in my life that was focused and centered on surviving the abuse. In order for me to move forward and onward, I needed to let it go. It didn’t happen overnight, but over a period of many years, during which i learnt that not everyone is on the same page morally on this planet. It is a process and a journey.
There are numerous reasons why people stay in abusive domestic relationships. Children, finances, not wanting to be alone are just to name a few. Typically, when you are in a relationship with an abuser, they control the whole enchilada ~ especially money. It is my observation that abusers, in typical fashion, will put down and wear out the victim on purpose so that their self-esteem is so low that they won’t want to leave, and will depend on the abuser.
It is obvious why people who are abused at work stay at their job., Some simply have no choice. Their job is their livelihood. They have no option but to be in the same terrifying space as their co-workers. Not everyone is in a position to leave, nor do they wish to. What is the punishment for those who inflict abuse at work, however? Personally, I believe abusers at work should be made to take a course for aggressiveness and should be monitored.
There is a ripple effect when you are abused as it can affect not only your sanity and health, but also family, children, friends, work, etc. Find someone to talk to about this that you can trust. Not everyone will understand what you are going through or will want to get involved.
Abusers actually rely on other people disbelieving the accounts of the victim, so don’t be surprised if a handful of people snub their noses at you. They simply do not understand what abuse entails. This experience alone will shock you and knock you into tomorrow.
At the end of the day, choose to be better instead of bitter for what you have been through. Let go of it. Don’t live your life looking in the rear view mirror. Have faith in yourself. You need to heal to move on. Reconnect with yourself. You only have one life. Although I am a believer in not burning bridges, there are some that need to be burnt.
My final thought is my wish that we could put bullies/abusers in test tubes and study what makes them tick. Their bodies must be bursting with so much anger and rage. Seriously, the trauma and drama the bullies/abusers cause belongs on stage, not in life bodies must be bursting with so much anger and rage. Seriously, the trauma and drama the bullies/abusers cause belongs on stage, not in life.
Contact Christy Joy at firstname.lastname@example.org
Author of book Pushed Beyond Limits
Owner of company: Helping Abused Souls